


i'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife

by sparrow_2344



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Based on a Mother Mother Song, Canonical Child Abuse, Churches & Cathedrals, Deaf Character, Deaf Moritz Stiefel, Fluff, Guns, Gunshot Wounds, Hozier References, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Angst, M/M, Non-Graphic Smut, References to Mother Mother (Band), Self-Harm, Shotgunning, Title from a Hozier Song, Trans Moritz Stiefel, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:54:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29692551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparrow_2344/pseuds/sparrow_2344
Summary: ' "why are you alone in a church at one in the morning?" melchior asked."none of your business,"moritz collected his dropped items from the floor, and placed them beside him, to which melchior snatched his phone."you're listening to music?" melchior laughed, "can you even hear it?""a little, if it's full volume," moritz tried grabbing it back, "give it," 'or, in which melchior stumbles upon moritz in a church at about midnight
Relationships: Melchior Gabor/Moritz Stiefel
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> first stab at a series. probably only gonna be a couple chapters though

it was late again. moritz was walking around town, at maybe about midnight. he'd lost track of the time. he wanted to go somewhere. he didn't know where. but at least he wasn't at home. 

melchior was reading again. he had just finished his third book of the night, being a speed reader. he was tempted to go to the book share outside of the church and go pick something up.

moritz had somehow found himself sitting in the pew of a church. he was clutching his mother's rosary beads he stole in his hands, quietly reciting some prayer or another. in his other hand he held his phone, which were plugged into his headphones.

sure, he could barely hear anything, but the amount he could hear was enough if he had his music on full volume.

the only thing lighting the empty hall was a few still-burning candles and the moonlight.

the door was gently pushed open, but moritz couldn't tell, because he was blasting hozier through his headphones.

melchior edged his way into the church. he swore to himself that he'd never go back in there, but the slightly open doors and candle lit interior enticed him enough. 

"hey, anyone in here?" melchior asked, to which there was no reply. he did notice a shadowy figure sat at maybe the fourth pew down, to which he wondered over.

moritz had is face downwards. he didn't notice as melchior sat down next to him. melchior gently tapped his shoulder.

moritz swore out loud, then gasped and dropped both his phones and the beads, and he quickly signed, "you scared me, melchior,"

"why are you alone in a church at one in the morning?" melchior asked.

"none of your business,"

moritz collected his dropped items from the floor, and placed them beside him, to which melchior snatched his phone.

"you're listening to music?" melchior laughed, "can you even hear it?"

"a little, if it's full volume," moritz tried grabbing it back, "give it,"

"h-o-z-i-e-r?" 

"yeah, now give it back,"

"wow, how edgy" melchior scoffed, his eyes fixated on the phone's homescreen.

"it's a good song," moritz snapped out loud again, "give me my phone back,"

melchior tossed him the phone, to which moritz caught it and shoved it into the pocket of his jeans.

moritz threw his head back, letting out a sigh. he took out his headphones and turned to melchior.

"what's on your mind?" melchior asked, "you look worse than usual,"

"that's none of your business either," moritz paused, "why are you here, radical athiest?"

"saw the lights, wanted to check it out,"

"why are you out so late?"

"going to the book share to pick something up,"

"don't think they'd have your kinda book,"

melchior laughed and held up a book, which moritz quickly scanned the cover of.

"g-o-e-t-h-e?" moritz asked, "f-a-u-s-t?"

"yeah, something stupid i wanted to read,"

"i don't think that's stupid," moritz snatched the book, "why would they even have this in the church's book share?"

"eh, the church doesn't curate it," melchior sighed, "if they did i wouldn't use the book share,"

there was a couple minutes silence. after a bit, moritz dropped his head onto melchior's shoulder. melchior laced his left hand with moritz's right.

"melchi?" moritz mumbled out loud. melchior gently squeezed his hand, then let it go so moritz could sign to him, "i don't wanna be at home anymore, my dad's so close to kicking me out,"

"is it because you flunked latin and pre-calc?" melchior teased, earning a slap on the arm.

"asshole," moritz snapped, pulling his head off melchior's shoulder, "it's because i told him i'm trans and i'm into guys,"

melchior hestitated, "i'm sorry,"

"you should be,"

"you can come stay at mine for a bit if you want,"

moritz relaxed back onto his friend, taking his hand again as well. melchior bit his lip, tilting his head to moritz's eyeline.

"are you.. crying?" melchior asked.

moritz turned his head away, "go away,"

"i'm not gonna," melchior sighed again, "there's nothing wrong with being gay, moritz,"

"how would you know, you're not queer?!"

in response, melchior grabbed both of moritz's hands and pulled him so there was no longer a gap between them. melchior was expecting moritz to immediately pull away, but he didn't. if anything, he pulled melchior closer. 

by the time moritz pushed melchior away slightly, both were gasping for air. moritz was gently swearing under his breath, then he pulled melchior back, so far that moritz was led on the pew underneath his friend.

"that was nice," melchior smiled.

"you're nice, for once,"

"rude,"

moritz sat up and laid his head on melchior's shoulder. melchior wrapped his arm around his friend, moritz melting into the touch.

moritz turned his head away, then curled slightly more into melchior's side.

"moritz?" melchior signed gently, "what's wrong?"

"nothing, melchi. i'm okay,"

melchior took one hand and placed it underneath moritz's chin, pulling him so both their faces were aligned, "tell me if you're not okay, i won't judge,"

moritz leaned in for another kiss. melchior placed a hand on moritz's cheek, letting him take control. melchior pulled away, letting them both catch their breath. 

moritz immediately tried to lean back in, only to be stopped by melchior. 

"you don't look so great, moritz," melchior signed, biting his lip, "you wanna talk about it?"

"not really," moritz replied, then leaned back in, being stopped again.

"no, you genuinely don't look good at all, i'm worried about you,"

"don't be, i'm fine,"

melchior tilted his head gently, then pulled moritz back in.

melchior placed his book down in favour of holding moritz's back, one hand slipping under his shirt. moritz winced and pulled away just after.

"you okay?" melchior asked.

"we're not having sex, melchi,"

"no?"

"not in a church, dumbass,"

"at home?"

"maybe," moritz paused, "can i crash at yours tonight?"

"no, you can't," melchior deadpanned, "as your best friend, i'm gonna leave you to go back to your abusive father,"

"what?" moritz's face paled.

"i'm joking," melchior smiled gently, "of course i'm joking,"

"oh," moritz paused, "are we dating?"

melchior tilted his head, "do you want to date?"

moritz nodded, "very much,"

"then we will," melchior took his boyfriend's hand, "c'mon, let's get you back to my house,"


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a quick one. 
> 
> if you dont like references to smoking and self harm, maybe skip this one

moritz hung his head low out of the window. he had a cigarette still burning in his left hand, wearing only an oversized shirt melchior had lent him.

he sighed, looking up at the dark forest outside. he took a drag of the cigarette.

melchior looked up from his book for a second. he raised an eyebrow, then stood up and walked to his boyfriend, who was practically hanging out of the window.

"you coming to bed any time soon," melchior asked, leaning on the windowsill.

"probably not," moritz replied, "you can go back if you want,"

"no, it's fine,"

there was a pause, melchior throwing his arm over moritz's back.

"what's going on in your head, moritz?"

"just.. surprised," he took another drag of his cigarette, signing with one hand, "that you don't.."

"that i don't give a shit about..?"

"yeah,"

"why would i care? you're the same person either way, cis or not,"

"i guess,"

"it's fine, moritz," melchior sighed, then gestured to moritz's cigarette, "may i?"

"sure,"

moritz passed it to melchior.

"moritz?" melchior asked, "face me a second,"

moritz turned around, letting melchior kiss him as he exhaled the smoke. moritz breathed it in, just as melchior pulled away.

"thanks," moritz signed, "you're good sometimes,"

"shut up,"

"never," he paused, "can you go make me some tea?"

"okay, your highness," melchior teased, "be right back,"

moritz sighed as soon as melchior left the room. he took a breath then took the cigarette and pressed it to the inside of his arm, wincing a little. not the first time hed

he flicked the stubbed out cigarette out of the window, then went and sat on the bed. he picked up his phone.

melchior made his way back into the room, catefully placing the tea on the bedside table.

"you okay, ritz?"

moritz nodded.

"good,"

melchior placed one hand on moritz's arm, tilting his head gently, "you know, burning yourself is kinda bad,"

"what?"

"how else would you stub it out?"

"windowsill,"

"no ash,"

moritz tensed up, his eyes wide and face pale.

"tell me when you're feeling bad, i told you you can in the church, ritz,"

"yeah,"

"good," melchior sighed, "you.. gonna drink your tea?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uuuuuugh help me


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a quick one  
> am working on a last chapter that may or may not have to do with a certain mother mother song

moritz thrust his hands into his pockets, storming outside of his house.

he felt tears begin to stream down his cheeks.

his headphones were blaring with some band he'd just found, his phone in his pocket.

he ran off to the forest, and curled up on a tree by a stream. his thoughts kept running to melchior, the night a few months before in the church, the sex when they'd gotten to melchior's place. to be fair, they'd only had sex in melchior's place before his grandparents came over from their little town in france for a month.

melchior had a book in one hand, and his laptop bag slung over his shoulder. he began to walk to his place in the forest, where he could be alone to finish his essay for english class.

on arrival, he noticed someone sat by his tree.

"shit, moritz," melchior said softly, then ran over to him curled up and sobbing

moritz flinced when he felt a hand on his shoulder, but looking up, relaxed at the sight of his boyfriend.

"hey, ritzi," melchior signed, "what's wrong?"

"nothing," moritz turned his head away, "i'm fine. go away,"

melchior shook his head and sat down next to moritz.

"i don't think most people cry because of nothing," 

"melchi, i'm fine,"

"are you?"

moritz stayed silent, choked up with tears.

"i'm not judging you, you can tell me anything," melchior said gently.

"it's my dad. he sucks," moritz admitted.

"oh, i knew that already," melchior placed a hand on moritz's cheek, "what happened this time?"

"y'know, the usual," moritz tried to joke, "deadnaming and slurs, oh, he also told me to stop seeing you, because you're not religious so you're a bad influence,"

"yeah, i am," melchior laughed, "but in all seriousness, that's fucked up, babe,"

"i'm aware,"

there was another moment of silence before moritz began to sob. melchior considered for a second, then leaned in to gently press kisses to the tears streaming down moritz's cheeks.

"melchi?" moritz asked.

"do you want me to stop?"

"no,"

moritz placed his hands on melchior's back, to which melchior pulled away.

"you're freezing, moritz," melchior said gently, taking his jacket off, "here,"

"thanks," moritz quickly threw it on, then pulled melchior back to him.

"i love you," melchior mumbled into the next kiss, moritz's jaw, down to his neck and collarbone, "i love you so much,"

"i can't hear you, asshole," 

"i love you... so much," melchior repeated, "that sounds really.. cliche,"

"it also sounds like you're being nicer than you usually are and i don't like it,"

"would you prefer i not constantly worry about you?" melchior asked, "because i'll stop that if you want,"

"what? no, be cute again, melchi," moritz replied, "please?"

"you literally just said you didn't like it," melchior raised an eyebrow, "and plus, you're the cute one here,"

"melchi,"

"yes?"

moritz pulled melchior to him to close the tiny gap between them. melchior's hands immediately went up the back of moritz's shirt.

between kisses and breathy moans, moritz gently whispered, "i love you too,", just as rain started to pour down on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i just really like writing stupid soft stuff sometimes ok


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~TW FOR ABUSE/TRANSPHOBIA/MISGENDERING IN THIS CHAPTER~  
> ~SECOND TW FOR GUNS IN THIS CHAPTER TOO~
> 
> finally. the last chapter   
> tbh im really happy with this fic tbh, and im just,, projecting so hard onto moritz its scary  
> plus, gratuitous mother mother references

"as much as i'm enjoying the rain," melchior was saying in parts each time the kiss broke away, "that coat is expensive and not waterproof,"

moritz raised an eyebrow, "then where are we supposed to go? to your house?"

"too risky, you know my grandparents are over. what about yours?" melchior leaned in for another kiss, but moritz placed his hand over his mouth.

"that's even riskier, idiot," he hesitated, "unless we went.. to the barn outside? like, the hayloft,"

"you sure we won't get caught?"

"yeah," 

moritz grabbed melchior's hand and immediately began to run off in the direction of his house, specifically the barn in the field next to it. 

as soon as they made it to the shelter of the hayloft, melchior pushed the jacket moritz had borrowed off of his shoulders. he leant in to kiss his boyfriend again, but moritz pulled them both back so they were led in the coarse hay.

"i love you, hope you know that," melchior said quietly, his hand on one side of moritz's face.

"love you too," moritz paused, "now stop being such a sap and get on with it,"

"if you keep whining about it i won't do anything,"

"alright, okay,"

melchior pulled his hand through moritz's uncombed hair, then leant down to begin leaving small bites on his boyfriend's neck.

"i love it when you do that," moritz admitted, his hands intertwining with melchior's damp shirt.

"how kinky," 

"oh my god, shut up,"

"if you shut up as well we can skip straight to the sex,"

moritz smirked a little, "yes, sir,", and melchior didn't hesitate.

sure, they had had sex with eachother before, but it was different this time. before it was rushed and rough with biting and hair pulling. this was gentle, caring, sweet.. hell, romantic. nothing like the cheaply made porn they'd watched before. 

"god, you're doing so good," melchior breathed out into moritz's neck, "you're doing amazingly,"

"you're the one doing the hard work here," moritz tried.

"that doesn't mean you're not working at all. you're taking it amazingly,"

"i know,"

melchior bit back a laugh, "have you always been so arrogant?"

"no, not r- shit, melchi, that's so nice," moritz gasped,his nails digging into melchior's back, "more,"

"that's gonna hurt. you sure?"

"please?"

"seriously, moritz, this is gonna hurt. do you really want it?"

"if you are willing to provide it,"

"always,"

melchior kissed the top of moritz's head, as he did as moritz instructed, the other boy moaning loudly.

"you okay?" melchior asked, gentle.

"yeah, i'm.." moritz started, "that does- that does hurt, a bit,"

melchior sighed, "you still want..?"

moritz nodded, "just.. distract me,"

melchior reached for the discarded jacket on the floor, reaching for moritz's phone, to play some music or something. he gave his boyfriend the earbuds, turning the music up all the way so moritz could hear.

"mother mother," moritz mumbled, "how ironic,"

"no need to talk, moritz,"

"it's hard to sign right now, melchi,"

"i can imagine, just, try keeping quiet,"

melchior almost laughed at himself, considering he knew first hand on how vocal moritz was. 

there were a couple of creaks from the barn. melchior assumed it was from the weight of both of them and the rhythm that they had going on.

even after melchior had calmed the rhythm down a bit, the creaking was just as consistent. 

"shit, moritz, i think there's someone in here," melchior signed, panicked.

"well, yeah, us," moritz teased, "but, seriously?"

melchior nodded, "i-"

a shout. an adult man. then, a gun cocking.

"who the hell is up in the hayloft!?"

melchior paled, "moritz, that's your dad,"

moritz gasped, then thrust his hands over his mouth.

another loud shout. this time, just of moritz's deadname, making moritz wince. melchior pulled moritz closer, trying to clothe them both up as quickly as possible.

"be quiet, i think he has a fucking gun," melchior signed, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of his boyfriend's head.

moritz's eyes began to water, "melchi-"

"what are you doing in my hayloft?!" 

moritz tensed up into melchior's arms, looking at his father in front of them.

"gabor? get off my daughter,"

moritz winced. melchior held his hands up.

"what are you doing here?" moritz's father snapped, "what do you want with her?"

"please, don't," moritz whimpered, "please,"

"quiet. gabor, what are you doing here?"

"we were talking, herr stiefel, me and mor-we were talking,"

"get out. never talk to my daughter ever again,"

melchior stayed. moritz's eyes were to bleary, yet he faintly heard a loud gunshot.

"fuck! my arm!" melchior winced.

"get out before i shoot you in the head,"

melchior ran. 

"now, you, get back to your room," 

moritz looked down, "yes, father,"

he began to move, closer to his father, before he felt a familiar, sharp pain on his cheek.

"if you ever talk to him again, you'll get a worse punishment," 

"yes, father-"

"and don't you dare ever have sex before marriage again," he growled, "and stop calling yourself a boy, there's something wrong with you," 

moritz nodded, then climbed down out of the hayloft.

"for god's sake, melchior," his mother sighed, "i told you to stay away from moritz's father,"

"i'm sorry that i didn't want to bring my boyfriend back to a house with my extremely homophobic grandparents," melchior scoffed.

"melchior gabor, you got shot,"

"well-" melchior winced as his mother wrapped a bandage around the wound in his arm.

then, there was a sharp knock on the door.

"sit there, melchior, i'll get it," a pause, as she walked out to the front door, then, melchior heard, "moritz?"

melchior gasped, then repeated, "moritz," under his breath.

"melchior's through here," 

another pause, before melchior saw moritz, his skin littered with bruises, and a bag slung over his shoulder. 

"ritzi?"

"melchi," 

moritz stumbled over to where melchior was sat on the dining table, sitting himself in his lap, "melchi, i-"

"hey, hey, it's okay," melchior gently purred into moritz's ear, "it's alright, moritz,"

"it's not okay, you got shot!"

"i know i got shot, it was my stupid idea to go over to yours,"

"i am aware,"

melchior rubbed moritz's back comfortingly, "why exactly do you have a bag?"

"moving in with you,"

"oh, right,"

"are you okay with that?"

"yeah, yeah, of course," melchior tilted his head, "i love you, you know that, right?"

"i love you too," moritz said softly, "now, let me finish fixing up your wound?"

"absolutely not,"

"too late,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and especially commets appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact: there are two versions of this, and one of them is smut, but i didnt feel comfortable posting full on smut


End file.
